Monday, August 11, 2008

Pavlov's Watchdogs by Keith Vaz

It is sad to see a scientist of such achievement making such baseless, unscientific and extremely offensive comments."

- Keith Vaz, Labour chairman of the Home Affairs Select Committee.

The scientist in question, James Watson, is the former director of the Cold Spring Harbour Laboratory on Long Island, "a world leader in cancer and genetic research." Yes, you read correctly, "world leader." How appalling that in this modern age such a term could even be considered for usage. The L-word shall henceforth be stricken from the dictionary lest it inflict irreperable harm on some poor man's unfortunate person's psyche. Why, I shouldn't be surprised if such brute insensitivity has just given people cancer, and how's that for irony?

To continue, "James Watson" won the Nobel Prize (but only for science, not Peace) for his part in discovering the structure of DNA. Note: part. Francis Crick, a tuned-in cat who reminds me of a certain someone who's done a great deal for civil rights, doubtless did most of the heavy-thinking. We imagine Watson, true to his name, served mostly to hail hansom cabs and respond with the occassional "astonishing!" to the deductions of the real, turned-on genius. Nonetheless, Watson today feels qualified to pass comment on matters he but little understands. Fortunately for the world at large, there are those who stand ever-vigilant to battle outmoded, unacceptable ideas in whichever dim, ignorant minds they may be lurking.

One such idea is this genome thingamabob. While it apparently resembles a pair of relaxed curls ineluctably twisted together into endlessly-repeating, mutually-reciprocating expressions of diversity which form a single, internalised chain to define all human possibility, the dreadful implications of genetic "theory" are far less beautiful. As Beauty is Truth, feel free to draw your own conclusions as to the scientific rigour involved in the development of this "theory..." In fairness though, genetic "theory" does go a long way towards proving Comrade Darwin's monkeyshines - and hence disproving the paternalistic, authoritarian, hypocritical dogma that is Organised Religion. For your own good however, I am here to order you to discard anything such "theory" may say on the subject of human "differences." As we all know, human beings are biologically equal in all respects; hence equal rights.

You are to further disregard all ungood statements made by Watson. In particular, ignore, deny and shield your mind from the dreadful things citizen Watson has to say about "black" people. Surely as a so-called geneticist he must know there is no such thing as race to begin with? Race is nothing but an outmoded social construct and any perceived "blackness" is an illusion brought on by insufficient moral fibre. Clearly, this Watson is a Nazi and, for the ultimate good of our race, I shall be ordering him off to Sensitivity Camp forthwith. Not that we have a race, of course. Figure of speech.

In conclusion [and breaking from character], "shut the fuck up, Keith Vag. When we want to hear a politician criticizing the scientific merit of a revolutionary, Nobel Prize-winning geneticist's statements, we'll go the fuck back to Communist Russia."

And in further conclusion, a mangled quote from Team America because I am extremely sleepy and such small things amuse me when in this state: “some people are Cricks. And pussies don't like Cricks. Because Cricks fuck pussies.”


Anonymous said...

You are a filthy goddamned racists. I hope you die and early death and your children are adopted by a wonderful black couple whom they come to love more than they could ever love you.

Dante said...

"Racist," singular. "An" early death. Minor grammatical and spelling errors aside, your attack was fairly well-crafted and would likely achieve its intended, hurtful effect if addressed to one of your peers.

Anonymous said...


Dante said...

Simmer down, anon! No call for that kind of poor behaviour. There's such a thing as civilized disagreement, for fu - for Chri - for heaven's sake.

Anonymous said...

My favorite part is how your blog is read and commented on only by people who are a) amazed at how mind bogglingly stupid you are or b) are unapologeticly racist white supremacists.

Where did it all do wrong, Rooland?

I'm serious; what happened to turn you into such a terrible human being? Were you mugged by a black dude as a kid or something? Because, seriously, most people with the reading comprehension of a fourth grader are patently aware that the drivel you spout isn't just racist it's also painfully, woefully stupid. Like young earth creationism levels of mind-bogglingly retarded.

What the hell happened to you, man?